After a few weeks, my friend told me to start listing down things to be grateful for. Honestly, I was lazy at first but then I was desperate so I did it. I started listing down things that I should be grateful for so here's a list of it.
I'm grateful for :
1. Being healthy and able
A year ago, I was found to have TB in my lungs, which caused me to take a gap year and made me start uni a year later than my friends. I was devastated when I got the news and all i could think of was why me. The thing I didn't see back then was that I could have died. There was a cavity in my upper lung and things would have gotten worse if I did not find out then, so I guess it was a blessing in disguise and that is what life does, throw shit at you to make you appreciate other things more. I was kinda blessed though. I didn't have to be quarantined because I wasn't contagious. Aside from that, I'm healthy and physically able to do so much in life. I got to join the gym, travel, rock climb and whatever else I wanted to.
2. Having such supportive and loving friends
So, my friends and I are at this age where we know we have each others' backs no matter what although we don't hang out all the time anymore. We catch up every now and then if we're lucky, but I just know they'll always be there for me and I realised how blessed I was to have such friends, especially when I was at my lowest. They'd talk to me for hours and constantly remind me that I'll be okay although I kept being sad anyway. They didn't judge me for whatever I did. They didn't give up on me and I can never be more grateful of them.
3. Having such a supportive family
I never really realised how important family was until recently. I mean, I love them and they're great and all but this was my first time having to rely on them for strength because I've never been this defeated in my 20 years of existence. It was probably a huge shock for them because I don't usually break so easily but I did, and they were nothing short of amazing. My dad kept spoiling me more than usual over the holidays and would not ask me about anything because he knew I would have cried. At the theme park during our trip, he just put his sunglasses over my eyes when I started crying. So tell me who's the real MVP now? He just kept being there by the side, watching and supporting. When I got back here, he sent me a really heartfelt message saying " you'll always have a home here in my heart" and that made me cry like a baby honestly. My mom talked to me and reminded me that I'm way better than this and I can do better. She said she was proud of the person I am. I told her she had to say that cause she was my mom, so she said " When have I ever lied to you? I'm telling you what I see, and I see an independent girl who is strong enough to get through whatever that's thrown at you. This is only a mere hurdle. You're strong and beautiful inside out so don't let this tell you otherwise." So yeah, for some reason, the things your mother says makes more sense than anything in your head. Then, there was my sister who I constantly got to hug when I was home. I'd randomly walk to her and hug her and cry, then she'll pat my head and wipe my tears off, making me feel like the younger one. She'd hold my hand when we're out too just cause haha. Oh, and my brother who's all the way in Canada. He said " You'll always have a four people you can always turn to no matter what" and that made me less lonely.
I think having such a strong bond with family is so important because they're really the ones who'll never leave your side no matter how hard things get, it's like one thing you'd never have to worry about. I am beyond blessed to have such a supportive family, parents who'd spend so much on us to provide us with the best, who'd give us the opportunities to do so much in life.
4. The opportunities I'm given
Ever since I was young, I was given the support and chance to do so much. I got to pick up hobbies and learn things like the piano, rock climbing and whatever else that I wanted to. I never had to worry about anything to do with expenses and adult stuff. I was not born with a silver spoon but I was born into a great family. My parents provided what we needed and we only had to worry about our own growth, it was easy growing up in that sense. We travelled a lot, I travelled a lot. In my gap year, I travelled to four different countries on holiday. Now here I am, given the chance to study in UK, given the opportunity to travel, to see things, to learn, to do so many things. What more can I ask for?
5. Breathing
When things happened, honestly, I felt like I was going to die. Literally. I felt all the physical pain of a heart break and I wasn't being dramatic. Yes, many have been through this and came out stronger but at that point it hurt so much that I felt like I forgot how to breathe. I couldn't eat for about 2 weeks and whenever I forced myself to, i puked. But now, I'm getting better and I'm glad I didn't give up on myself when I wanted to, thanks to everyone around me. Here I am, breathing and listing down things that I should be grateful for because I am breathing. Because I am breathing, I can do better. Because I am breathing, I can get better. Because I am breathing, that made me stronger.
Lots of love,
xx
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