Learning to love myself

So a few days back, my boyfriend and I did this little "photoshoot" for a brand we're about to release. It will be launching soon, will be updating it on my instagram as soon as it's ready!

Anyways, so blogging has been something that I've started to like although I'm still finding my way around. It has allowed me to take time to write down things that make me happy, things that inspire me, things that I've experienced. I'm not great at it yet but I'm getting there! If you're reading this, thank you for being interested in my not so interesting life, much love for you.

 I've never really been a bold and daring individual despite how talkative and active I was at school. Little did you know, I'm usually the less talkative one when in a big group of people cause I have always been afraid that they'd think I'm lame or boring. The fear of what others thought had made me self conscious of my words, I hated it. However, if I'm comfortable with you, I'd go on and on about the lamest and most random things that sometimes make me wonder who'd talk to me.
But as I grew up, it hit me that there's nothing wrong with me, sometimes people are just on an entirely different frequency from me.

I also hated the fact that I wasn't very tall, nor did I like my face or body. I hated how i looked for quite a long time but now, even when I felt fat or whatever, I knew it was whether I wanted to do something about it or not. It was my choice, if I hated it I'd have to change. If you didn't like something, do something about it!

What's there to hate really, who's going to love you if you didn't love yourself? At the end of the day, you're the one who's really there for yourself.
You'd never know, maybe someone thinks you're great and wants to be you while you're busy wanting to be someone else?

The more you can love your darkness, the more you can live your greatness 

There were days when I woke up hating myself so much that I didn't look at the mirror but that's fine, we all have bad days but lucky me, I have people around me who'd remind me that I'm not as bad as I'd like to think I am. Even now I'd still get annoyed at my own face sometimes that I'd end up going on my Instagram deleting photos I've posted of myself but that's okay cause as long as it makes me feel better after. We have to do things that'd make ourselves happy cause that's what's really important.
Loving myself has got to be a huge challenge but I know it'll make me a better person so I'm looking forward to it.

It takes time, so baby steps!

(ps, do you guys have any nice collage apps that can make my photos overlap and all to recommend?)
xx

Vague future

"By having a clear vision, even a short vision of what will happen in the future. We will be less worried and feel a little bit confident, and calm because we can manage our life in the world that is changing every second." Ly Nguyen

Midnight thoughts all kicking in and it's making me toss and turn in bed.
This gap year has given me the time to think a lot but it still makes me wonder if the course I'll be taking in university will be the right one for me. I'm not sure if I appreciate this luxury of being allowed to ponder about it, I'm worried that I might change my mind.

The future is a scary place. The thought of not knowing what could happen is scary. As a child, I remember forging an image of my future. The expectations I had of my future were so vast, I doubt I thought of how I'd actually get there. Once upon a time I wanted to be a lawyer and along the way it became an actress, a singer, so on and so on. I actually thought of becoming a princess like HELLO? I mean which girl didn't want to live wearing designer clothes, shop without thinking twice and actually got to do something fun for a living. Well, most of us imagined life as the rich and wealthy. It didn't occur to me back then that it was more than just studying hard. So I studied hard in school, got good grades and all but when it was time to choose my course for university, all the question marks came up. I started to think and worry about job opportunities, the chances of a promising future, the possibilities of living a good life and whether I'd actually like my future job. I was afraid that I'd be working like a slave for people my whole life, I didn't want that. I've always wanted to own my own business and become an entrepeneur one day.

I changed my course for university about 2 months before submission because the previous one didn't seem to have a promising future after doing all my research. It made me understand that liking the job description is one thing, but having a wide range of job choices to choose from is more important for my future. As I got older, having a fun job didn't seem to matter as much as having a good income and that worried me. What if after all of it, I hate my job?

When your age counter is ticking and you start to see more cons than pros about chasing that dream of yours.  - Bellywellyjelly

It's true, everything seems to be harder. So I decided on my course cause I saw how it would be able to help the world, help life. I saw that possible future but what if that means I'd be working for someone for the rest of my life? Or what if I don't graduate well and end up working as something that I don't like or end up doing something that doesn't involve my degree at all? Is reality this scary  or is it all in my head? How would I know?

xx

Saying goodbye

" He's leaving soon, very soon."

" Hurry up "

" He's going now "

What does one do when someone they love who has been there for as long as they could remember is about to leave for good, forever?

I have been intending to write this post awhile back but have not had the courage to cause when I do, it means it's real. But I felt like I should because you were such an important person to me and I'd like everyone to know that.

Not too long ago, gong gong (grandfather) was strong and healthy, always watching us every Saturday from his gong gong chair with the occasional " why is everyone using their phones " or "how is your brother" (cause my brother is working overseas). He always observed us and discussed with popo (grandmother). This happened every week we were there. Occasionally he would compliment us with really sweet words like "You look prettier!" or "You look fitter!", that sort of stuff.

We would watch him and popo making fun of each other all the time and it would make us giggle and laugh so much!

          " She is the one holding the steering wheel, I'm just the one pressing the gas! " 

They were lovely, always watching out for each other. They're great parents and amazing grandparents. Constantly wanting to know how each of us were doing, whether at school or at work. 

When we were younger, gong gong often went fishing. He has only ever brought my brother and I to watch once. He had a pretty great collection of fishing rods he was proud of which the cousins and I would spin when we walked pass cause it was just tempting. Gong gong would often bring fishes home for popo to cook for our weekly dinner and trust me, it was great. He would always drive popo in his favourite cute jeep around to buy stuff. Even before the recent Chinese new year, he was driving her out. 

Both gong gong and I had one thing in common, our love for fish heads. Whenever the adults offered it to him, he'd offer it to me! It always warms my heart to have grandparents who care about me, it's nice. 

He always reminded us,

" The most important thing is to study hard, so that you can live well and make sure you take care of your parents when you're older ". 

He was very proud of his children and I'm sure he's happy for them. I hope he's proud of his grand children too, cause we definitely adore and respect him a lot. Visiting him at the hospital the past month really did not prepare any of us for this day. We thought he'd be better and home soon.

On Sunday morning, my dad came into our rooms to wake us up, telling us that gong gong was leaving so we hurried but we just weren't fast enough. On the way there, I was hoping that you'd wait for me, I ran, I really did but it was too late. I really hoped I could go back to that morning and made sure I made it there earlier to say my goodbyes but I missed the chance and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life, being a few seconds late. Watching popo broke my heart even more, it was difficult to breathe. Every thing happened way too fast but I'm glad that you're done with all the pain and at peace now. You were a fighter even until the end. Seeing that peaceful look on your face when I arrived also reminded me that it will be okay. You were so important to me as a grandfather cause I only remember having one around since I lost my other grandfather at a young age. I'm glad you got to watch me grow up to become who I am now, and I trust you'll be watching over me from where ever you are cause that is the kind of grandfather you are. Having you as my grandfather has got to be one of the greatest blessings I've got in this life. Thank you.

So I held his hand tight for the last time hoping for some reaction but that was it. He was gone.
I did not know what to think or feel, something just broke.

You never really realise how much you feel for someone until they're gone. So appreciate your parents and grandparents while you can, make them happy while they're around, while you can cause when they're gone, they're not coming back.

" I know you're in a better place but it's always gonna hurt "





xx

안녕하세요 Korea!

    "Live your life by a compass not a clock" - Stephen Covey

Hello Korea!

First meal in Seoul! - Porridge
No, we're not porridge people but it was snowing and it's one of Korea's popular dishes!

Daddy & I appreciating how gorgeous the snow was!
(No guys, I don't have dandruff)

Definitely spent most of our time at Myeongdong street cause we stayed  a street away and every popular restaurant was there!

Korea is popular for their fashion styles so yes, shopping was fun but no they were not cheap. It's a popular belief that Koreans love doing plastic surgery but I have no clue if it's true. Most girls here use make up but that's not just Korea, who are you kidding.

This was one of the korean BBQs we had! It was so warm!

Name: Wangbijib Myeongdong Korean BBQ

Adress: 63-6 Chungmuro-2ga, Jung-gu | 2F, Seoul, South Korea

We had so much of these banana milk!!

I mean, how can you go to Seoul and NOT HAVE SULBING?

That's my momma 

And then there's my QT lil baby sister being all strong

HOT chocolate were the best drinks in the winter 

These cute little backdoor streets at Bukchon Hanok Village.

Korean fried rice!

Korean BBQ!

Name : James Cheese Back Ribs
Address : 11 Myeongdong 10-gil, Myeongdong 2(i)-ga, Jung-gu, Seoul, South Korea

Chickenn!

Honestly, this Korea trip was mostly about food, shopping, sceneries and MORE FOOD! It was really relaxing and exciting, bringing my family around on the subways!

Their popular meals are bibimbap, korean BBQ, CHICKENN (in every cooking style! No, I'm not kidding when I say it's true that the Koreans love dem chickenn), korean pancakes, cold noodles, pork ribs and all the sweet treats by the streets! During winter, the strawberries were very popular and in season so they were all really huge, sweet AND CHEAP! 

Omg, looking at all these photos is making me hungry!

Korean pancakes, bibimbap & hot pot of soup in the winter has got to be the best!

The view at Nami Island was WOW

To get to Nami Island from Seoul you'd have to take a few trains to get to Gapyeong station then take a bus/taxi to Gapyeong Wharf. (Ps just google the route, wifi is everywhere in Korea!) Taking the cab is worth it if you have more than 2 people! Nope, it's not near the city, but if you're a scenery person like me, you'd love it & the ride there would be worth it! Personally, I loved Nami Island although my toes, fingers and face were practically frozen! The place felt so serene! Oh, it was where they filmed this popular Korean movie, Winter Sonata, so there are many statues there.

The iconic flower lights at Dongdaemun Design Plaza!

 

OSulloc! Super good green tea treats right in the heart of Seoul!
Address : 12 Myeongdong 7-gil, Myeongdong 1(il)-ga, Jung-gu, Seoul, South Korea

So my family and I stayed a street away from Myeongdong street, facing Tour Les Jours bakery!

Fun fact: Did you know, Tour Les Jours is a Korean bakery and not French?!

Anyways, we stayed a literally a few steps away from the Myeongdong station so we technically travelled mostly by subway! However, on our second last day, we realised that since we had four people, taking a taxi was wayyyy more worth it! Myeongdong was where we did most of our shopping cause everything was there, as in ALL the brands were there haha! As a lady travelling to Korea, you'd definitely buy all the masks and make up you lay your eyes on! Trust me, all the brands are along Myeongdong street and there're all around the corner, AND there're more than one outlet along the same street!

He should, She should

He should pay for our meals

He should plan all the surprises 

He should be the one buying me gifts

He should drive me around

She should cook for me

She should clean up the place

She should do my laundry  for me

Who said who should do what, who made up the rules for your relationship? Shouldn't your relationship be yours and yours to decide?

Nowadays, relationship goals are pretty messy don't you think. Why is opening the door for the lady a "relationship goal" ? Isn't that what a gentlemen is, I mean you don't have to but don't you feel like you should? Why is buying your lady or man a gift a "relationship goal"? Who said picking up the bill is a man's job? (but that doesn't mean you don't guys, don't be stingy la) Who said only girls deserved flowers? Who said girls should do all the cooking and cleaning? 

In this generation, sexism is a crime. All of us want equality, women fight for their rights and men fighting to keep theirs. It's a sensitive topic really. But what happened to love? Aren't you in a relationship cause you feel strongly for each other? I personally feel the need to spoil my man, with food, gifts, surprises and even the smallest things like random pop ups at his place. My father always told me not to let him pick up my bills cause I am a strong independent woman and I shouldn't rely on other people. But I let him sometimes cause it's sweet hehe! I'm not gonna lie, when he willingly does things for me, it makes my heart flutter. It matters a lot in showing how much he cares for me but no, it is not his obligations to do so.

There isn't anything wrong with wanting to do something for your significant other. Don't let the stereotypical society tell you what not to do! If you love them, make them happy with any way possible! If you're going to love someone, treat them well. Treat her the way you would want your sister & mother to be treated. Treat him how you would want your dad & brother to be treated. Do things for each other sincerely if you really love them, whether or not they appreciate it is a different matter entirely which you would have to think for yourself. Treating someone genuinely is probably the most amazing kind of love you can give.

" Treat others how YOU would want to be treated "

 (look at that happy face with all his candy and capt. A after his little treasure hunt during Valentine's Day!)



xx