The most loyal, understanding and loving creature

She says hi to me in the most excited manner, says bye to me with the saddest face hoping I'd stay awhile longer, entertains me like I'm her world.

I remember waking up one morning to the sound of barking coming from inside the house, I got confused and woke my sister up. She ran down to check and ran back up to tell me to get my butt downstairs so I did, and there this brown lil creature was walking in circles so intrigued by strangers who kept touching her and feeding her. That was the most exciting part when we just got her, watching her eat her food off our hands. We fell in love with that brown lil baby so immediately. 

Now, let me just tell you about what a fighter this lil bitch was. No, she didn't have any illness or whatsoever. Yes, she was lucky in the end but there was once upon a time where a couple so cruelly left this lil puppy tied in the hot sun at the fire extinguisher when they left to work where she'd have to untie herself to go wandering around for shelter. Who knows what she went through. One day, a kind lady picked her up and went to the owners only to find out that they didn't want her anymore (when i found out, all I could think of was WHY). So this lady asked my mom if she wanted to take the poor abandoned puppy in and for some reason god heard my pleas and my mother brought her home. A while later, we found out she got pregnant while she was still on the streets so we brought her to the vet to get them removed as she was too small to give birth to those babies. (some huge ass dog raped her opps)

She was like any other puppy; Mischievous, curious, needed to be spoiled. We got mad at her sometimes but she wins us over again and again. Yes, she ruined our shoes and doors... even my school shoes! But I can only get pissed at her for like what 30 seconds? She'd find her way home whenever she went out on her own which made us less worried! She's the most adorable thing who looks at you as if she understands what you're saying. Sometimes I'd talk to her when I'm sad and she'd just lick me and lean on me, like hello you understand???? She would ask me for food when she's hungry, no really I'm not being crazy she really does! She's so comfortable with us that she'd let us do anything with her and she'd sleep so soundly on her mat! She absolutely hates thunder and fireworks and somehow I feel the need to make her feel better so I'd pat her until she falls asleep during the thunderstorm, kind of like her thunder buddy.

We adore her and she adores us. Watching her sleep has got to be one of the most soothing thing ever. She looks so calm and adorable! She hates letting us take photos of her so she'd look away whenever I take my phone out hahah! Oh, did I mention that she never peed or pooped out of the patch of grass that we have? Yep, she's weird, she can only pee and poop on grass! Even at 10 human years old, she still acts like a lil puppy when she sees us!

Everyone thinks they have the best dog and none of them are wrong - W.R. Puerto 

Lately she's gotten old, and it makes me worry how would I possibly be okay with ever losing her. I had her since I was 10, I've practically had her for half of my life! It's true when they say that your dog will treat you like their world. Do you look at your dog and wonder how did you ever get so lucky? I do.

We made her a choker ahahah!

Lots of love, xx

Learning to love myself

So a few days back, my boyfriend and I did this little "photoshoot" for a brand we're about to release. It will be launching soon, will be updating it on my instagram as soon as it's ready!

Anyways, so blogging has been something that I've started to like although I'm still finding my way around. It has allowed me to take time to write down things that make me happy, things that inspire me, things that I've experienced. I'm not great at it yet but I'm getting there! If you're reading this, thank you for being interested in my not so interesting life, much love for you.

 I've never really been a bold and daring individual despite how talkative and active I was at school. Little did you know, I'm usually the less talkative one when in a big group of people cause I have always been afraid that they'd think I'm lame or boring. The fear of what others thought had made me self conscious of my words, I hated it. However, if I'm comfortable with you, I'd go on and on about the lamest and most random things that sometimes make me wonder who'd talk to me.
But as I grew up, it hit me that there's nothing wrong with me, sometimes people are just on an entirely different frequency from me.

I also hated the fact that I wasn't very tall, nor did I like my face or body. I hated how i looked for quite a long time but now, even when I felt fat or whatever, I knew it was whether I wanted to do something about it or not. It was my choice, if I hated it I'd have to change. If you didn't like something, do something about it!

What's there to hate really, who's going to love you if you didn't love yourself? At the end of the day, you're the one who's really there for yourself.
You'd never know, maybe someone thinks you're great and wants to be you while you're busy wanting to be someone else?

The more you can love your darkness, the more you can live your greatness 

There were days when I woke up hating myself so much that I didn't look at the mirror but that's fine, we all have bad days but lucky me, I have people around me who'd remind me that I'm not as bad as I'd like to think I am. Even now I'd still get annoyed at my own face sometimes that I'd end up going on my Instagram deleting photos I've posted of myself but that's okay cause as long as it makes me feel better after. We have to do things that'd make ourselves happy cause that's what's really important.
Loving myself has got to be a huge challenge but I know it'll make me a better person so I'm looking forward to it.

It takes time, so baby steps!

(ps, do you guys have any nice collage apps that can make my photos overlap and all to recommend?)
xx

Saying goodbye

" He's leaving soon, very soon."

" Hurry up "

" He's going now "

What does one do when someone they love who has been there for as long as they could remember is about to leave for good, forever?

I have been intending to write this post awhile back but have not had the courage to cause when I do, it means it's real. But I felt like I should because you were such an important person to me and I'd like everyone to know that.

Not too long ago, gong gong (grandfather) was strong and healthy, always watching us every Saturday from his gong gong chair with the occasional " why is everyone using their phones " or "how is your brother" (cause my brother is working overseas). He always observed us and discussed with popo (grandmother). This happened every week we were there. Occasionally he would compliment us with really sweet words like "You look prettier!" or "You look fitter!", that sort of stuff.

We would watch him and popo making fun of each other all the time and it would make us giggle and laugh so much!

          " She is the one holding the steering wheel, I'm just the one pressing the gas! " 

They were lovely, always watching out for each other. They're great parents and amazing grandparents. Constantly wanting to know how each of us were doing, whether at school or at work. 

When we were younger, gong gong often went fishing. He has only ever brought my brother and I to watch once. He had a pretty great collection of fishing rods he was proud of which the cousins and I would spin when we walked pass cause it was just tempting. Gong gong would often bring fishes home for popo to cook for our weekly dinner and trust me, it was great. He would always drive popo in his favourite cute jeep around to buy stuff. Even before the recent Chinese new year, he was driving her out. 

Both gong gong and I had one thing in common, our love for fish heads. Whenever the adults offered it to him, he'd offer it to me! It always warms my heart to have grandparents who care about me, it's nice. 

He always reminded us,

" The most important thing is to study hard, so that you can live well and make sure you take care of your parents when you're older ". 

He was very proud of his children and I'm sure he's happy for them. I hope he's proud of his grand children too, cause we definitely adore and respect him a lot. Visiting him at the hospital the past month really did not prepare any of us for this day. We thought he'd be better and home soon.

On Sunday morning, my dad came into our rooms to wake us up, telling us that gong gong was leaving so we hurried but we just weren't fast enough. On the way there, I was hoping that you'd wait for me, I ran, I really did but it was too late. I really hoped I could go back to that morning and made sure I made it there earlier to say my goodbyes but I missed the chance and I'll have to live with that for the rest of my life, being a few seconds late. Watching popo broke my heart even more, it was difficult to breathe. Every thing happened way too fast but I'm glad that you're done with all the pain and at peace now. You were a fighter even until the end. Seeing that peaceful look on your face when I arrived also reminded me that it will be okay. You were so important to me as a grandfather cause I only remember having one around since I lost my other grandfather at a young age. I'm glad you got to watch me grow up to become who I am now, and I trust you'll be watching over me from where ever you are cause that is the kind of grandfather you are. Having you as my grandfather has got to be one of the greatest blessings I've got in this life. Thank you.

So I held his hand tight for the last time hoping for some reaction but that was it. He was gone.
I did not know what to think or feel, something just broke.

You never really realise how much you feel for someone until they're gone. So appreciate your parents and grandparents while you can, make them happy while they're around, while you can cause when they're gone, they're not coming back.

" I know you're in a better place but it's always gonna hurt "





xx