Dying to perfection

Girls want to be pretty, hot, sexy.

Guys want to be buff, tall, hot.

Is that really all there is to looking good and feeling great?

Scrolling through tumblr, I've come across so many girls looking so perfect with those skinny never ending legs, bubble butts, flat tummy, pimple-less skin and those gorgeous cheek bones.

I started questioning myself, why can't that be me? Why can't I look like that too? I have to admit that it felt horrible.

Don't lie to yourself, you did exactly that and felt the same way. But, should we really be doing this to ourselves?

As I started to learn of ways to love myself, the word perfection came across my mind a little too many times. Well,

I'm someone who cringes at compliments & praises because I feel like those kind souls are just being generous. I'm merely just a mashed up bunch of flaws put together into this messy piece of species.

We look up to certain people; We idolise them, they inspire us. Deeming them the perfect person to be with that amazing body, gorgeous hair, perfect face and even the perfect lifestyle, making us feel so belittled and so much less. The idea of perfection slowly fades away, slowly becoming a myth that will never happen. An unobtainable goal that we could only ever wished for but never ever reach.

Then the question that hit me was,

Why am I, why are YOU trying to be perfect? What does perfection really mean? Why am I sitting in front of the mirror or my front camera beating myself up about how ugly I feel or how I don't look like that other girl? Will being perfect make me happier? 

That was when I made a decision to constantly remind myself that I am the most perfect version of myself than anyone else will ever be. I don't have to look like the other girl, I don't have to dress like the other girl or be as skinny as her. To stand back up stronger than before after a breakdown. It's okay to fall into that little ball of insecurity, drowning in it but just we have to get back up after. I just have to be happy, healthy and better version of myself every day. The idea of perfection is simply a mere misconception implanted in our heads by what society deemed perfect. 

So here I am to tell you guys who've read so far, to stop trying to achieve perfection and instead learn to love your flaws and embrace the fallbacks in life. It makes you real. It makes you, you. Stop drowning yourself in mindless worries and remind yourself that the darkest of days will blow away and you will stand stronger than you have ever did. 

Lots of love,

xx

Learning to love myself

So a few days back, my boyfriend and I did this little "photoshoot" for a brand we're about to release. It will be launching soon, will be updating it on my instagram as soon as it's ready!

Anyways, so blogging has been something that I've started to like although I'm still finding my way around. It has allowed me to take time to write down things that make me happy, things that inspire me, things that I've experienced. I'm not great at it yet but I'm getting there! If you're reading this, thank you for being interested in my not so interesting life, much love for you.

 I've never really been a bold and daring individual despite how talkative and active I was at school. Little did you know, I'm usually the less talkative one when in a big group of people cause I have always been afraid that they'd think I'm lame or boring. The fear of what others thought had made me self conscious of my words, I hated it. However, if I'm comfortable with you, I'd go on and on about the lamest and most random things that sometimes make me wonder who'd talk to me.
But as I grew up, it hit me that there's nothing wrong with me, sometimes people are just on an entirely different frequency from me.

I also hated the fact that I wasn't very tall, nor did I like my face or body. I hated how i looked for quite a long time but now, even when I felt fat or whatever, I knew it was whether I wanted to do something about it or not. It was my choice, if I hated it I'd have to change. If you didn't like something, do something about it!

What's there to hate really, who's going to love you if you didn't love yourself? At the end of the day, you're the one who's really there for yourself.
You'd never know, maybe someone thinks you're great and wants to be you while you're busy wanting to be someone else?

The more you can love your darkness, the more you can live your greatness 

There were days when I woke up hating myself so much that I didn't look at the mirror but that's fine, we all have bad days but lucky me, I have people around me who'd remind me that I'm not as bad as I'd like to think I am. Even now I'd still get annoyed at my own face sometimes that I'd end up going on my Instagram deleting photos I've posted of myself but that's okay cause as long as it makes me feel better after. We have to do things that'd make ourselves happy cause that's what's really important.
Loving myself has got to be a huge challenge but I know it'll make me a better person so I'm looking forward to it.

It takes time, so baby steps!

(ps, do you guys have any nice collage apps that can make my photos overlap and all to recommend?)
xx

Vague future

"By having a clear vision, even a short vision of what will happen in the future. We will be less worried and feel a little bit confident, and calm because we can manage our life in the world that is changing every second." Ly Nguyen

Midnight thoughts all kicking in and it's making me toss and turn in bed.
This gap year has given me the time to think a lot but it still makes me wonder if the course I'll be taking in university will be the right one for me. I'm not sure if I appreciate this luxury of being allowed to ponder about it, I'm worried that I might change my mind.

The future is a scary place. The thought of not knowing what could happen is scary. As a child, I remember forging an image of my future. The expectations I had of my future were so vast, I doubt I thought of how I'd actually get there. Once upon a time I wanted to be a lawyer and along the way it became an actress, a singer, so on and so on. I actually thought of becoming a princess like HELLO? I mean which girl didn't want to live wearing designer clothes, shop without thinking twice and actually got to do something fun for a living. Well, most of us imagined life as the rich and wealthy. It didn't occur to me back then that it was more than just studying hard. So I studied hard in school, got good grades and all but when it was time to choose my course for university, all the question marks came up. I started to think and worry about job opportunities, the chances of a promising future, the possibilities of living a good life and whether I'd actually like my future job. I was afraid that I'd be working like a slave for people my whole life, I didn't want that. I've always wanted to own my own business and become an entrepeneur one day.

I changed my course for university about 2 months before submission because the previous one didn't seem to have a promising future after doing all my research. It made me understand that liking the job description is one thing, but having a wide range of job choices to choose from is more important for my future. As I got older, having a fun job didn't seem to matter as much as having a good income and that worried me. What if after all of it, I hate my job?

When your age counter is ticking and you start to see more cons than pros about chasing that dream of yours.  - Bellywellyjelly

It's true, everything seems to be harder. So I decided on my course cause I saw how it would be able to help the world, help life. I saw that possible future but what if that means I'd be working for someone for the rest of my life? Or what if I don't graduate well and end up working as something that I don't like or end up doing something that doesn't involve my degree at all? Is reality this scary  or is it all in my head? How would I know?

xx